"A Trap on Your Path--Unforgiveness"

By Paula R. Bryant

Have you ever forgiven someone only to discover later that you hadn’t really forgiven them at all? I have, and truth be told, it’s happened more than I’d like to admit. But this time when the Lord showed me, He also spoke two words in my spirit: core beliefs. Then He bundled this with an insight--unforgiveness was part of the reason why I hadn’t been moving forward.
       Beware! Unforgiveness stalls your progress on your Path of Inspiration.
       But how can you forgive someone, let go of the offense, and it not be real? When that person, somehow, did something that activated your core beliefs. You see, at your core—the central, innermost part of who you are—there are things you believe about life, people and relationships that have developed over a lifetime. They are the basis of how you view yourself, others, the world around you, and things that are yet to come. They lie at the root of everything you think, say, and do.
       Core beliefs seem to effortlessly keep you on course…until an offense goes deep enough to activate them, jarring them to attention. Perhaps it’s better to say into hyper-attention. That’s when, suddenly, your thoughts, words and actions become skewed by these aggravated beliefs until they calm down again. As believers, we usually calm them (unwittingly) by agreeing with the Word of God, choosing to forgive, praying for that person, turning him or her over to the Lord, and then seeking restoration (but honestly, I have found that many of us aren’t good at this last step).
       Having done all these things, why can something trigger and reactivate them (in the same or another situation), at times even happening again and again and again? Core beliefs demand attention, pressing us to conform no matter what. How can this silent warfare within be mastered?
       According to the Centre for Clinical Interventions, we need to understand how to identify and challenge them. It states, “Core beliefs are strongly-held, rigid and inflexible beliefs that are maintained by the tendency to focus on the information that supports the belief and ignoring evidence that contradicts it.” That means whether another person is right or wrong, or we are right or wrong, we can cling to a belief formed either during childhood or another significant life event and react. Self-protect. That’s not good.
       There are two ways to identify core beliefs. First, keep “thought diaries” and review them to see if your “hot” thoughts share any common themes or patterns. Another way is to use self-talk to extend those burning thoughts further and reveal the root. Ask out loud, “Is there anything wrong with the way I’m thinking?” or if it applies, “Is there something I might have said or done that contributed to this situation?” Then ask the Lord to help you examine your thoughts and actions according to His Word. Trust me, the Holy Spirit will show you!
       Then it’s time to challenge them. Think of experiences you’ve had that prove your core belief may not always be true. Jot them down in your journal. Notice what you thought or did differently, and then use that knowledge to start forming a “balanced core belief.” Then take the next step to test it by acting on it. Put what you’ve identified into practice...over and over again. That way, you can develop balanced core beliefs and avoid spinning around in seemingly endless negative cycles.
       The time this process requires is well worth the effort. Remember, when offended it’s far better to Pause, Reflect and Act than it is to get stuck in a trap that stalls your progress. Don’t lose hours, days, months or even years holding onto offenses. Forgive and live! Set yourself free! 

        “Then his master, after he had called him, said to him,
        ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt
        because you begged me.
        Should you not also have had compassion on your
        fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?'
        And his master was angry, and delivered him to the
        torturers until he should pay all…
        So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of
        you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother
​       his trespasses.” 
                                                 Matthew 18:32–35, NKJV
  

         Quotes and clinical info taken from “What Are Core Beliefs?” by the Centre for Clinical Interventions.